Modern Romance

Erik Book Review, Dating, Personal Development and Psychology, Thoughts of a Mastermind 4 Comments

“People are stuck on what’s normal, what’s right, what’s wrong. Maybe what’s right to you is wrong to me… What counts at the end of the day is everybody is happy.” – Pitbull

Modern Romance,by Aziz Ansari, tries to tackle and shed light on some of the common occurrences of modern dating and relationships. Ansari asks many questions and tries to answer them by interviewing different people across the United States and throughout the world. By discovering how people meet, how romantic interactions are developing and happening, and finding what other dynamics are in play, Ansari is able to draw some conclusions for the modern romantic.

My roommate suggested I read this book because I’m currently single and exploring the world of dating and relationships. I spend about 15 minutes a day on the mobile apps and if I come across anyone who I’m interested in, I will chat for a little bit and ask them out on a date. I’ve had mixed success online; I’ve had a handful of only first dates and had some relationships start out of it. The issue may be I’m not exactly sure what I’m looking for; this conversation is for a later day.

Back to Modern Romance, Ansari looks to examine modern day romance and relationships by interviewing real people, drawing on past experiences, and diving deep into what is happening in the world today. Ansari is a comedian and his humor is apparent in the whole book. There were multiple passages where I was laughing out loud because he interjects humor when what he is talking about would be otherwise dry.

Ansari starts out Modern Romance by describing a night he had with a young woman. He spent the night having good, fun conversation with the woman and got her number. The next day, Ansari texts her and gets nothing in response (how many times has this happened to someone?). He becomes stressed out by the lack of response, and decides there has to be information out there on his situation. Long story short, he decides to write a book on romance. When he starts the project, he thought it would mostly be looking at the effect of technology on romantic relationships, but little did he know he would also discover the entire culture of finding a loved one has changed in a short time period.

I won’t go into too much detail here, as Modern Romance explains it very well (and Ansari is hilarious), but he finds people are waiting longer, holding out for their soul mate, and the tools and means we are using to achieve our goals are drastically different than our parents and grandparents. He interviews people from New York City, Los Angeles, smaller cities in America, Paris, Buenos Aires, and Tokyo to determine whether these trends are the same or different in different parts of the world.

Some meaningful takeaways I will be applying in my dating life as a result of reading this book:

  • It is important to treat dating apps as a way to be introduced to people, rather than dating people.
    • In my experience, a person should on use their phone as a way to set up dates. Once the date has been set, wait until the date to chat.
  • Treat people on dating apps as people, not as screen shots.
    • I plan to follow up and be direct with people in the future. If something isn’t going well or not working out, I’m going to let them know so that no one is left “out in the cold”
  • I’m not going to find “the one” in a bar or club.
    • I don’t think I’ll stop talking to women at the bar or club when I’m out though. Fun times occur from random meetings.
  • It might be a better strategy to see one person multiple times than multiple people one time.
    • It’s the principle of familiarity. Sometimes a first date should just be a first date, you get to know the person. As time goes on, you might become more fond of the other person and want to be with them. You never know!

We’re better off spending quality time getting to know actual people than spending hours with our devices, seeing who else is out there. – Aziz Ansari

Thanks for reading my book review of Modern Romance and I hope you enjoyed. I’d recommend this book to anyone who is interested in learning about the struggles of the modern romantic (ha). Seriously, it was a very good and funny book. Anyone under 35 probably would find it to be enjoyable as well.

What have been your experiences with dating and relationships? Have you tried various online apps to meet people?

Erik

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Comments 4

  1. Ansari looks to have established himself as an authority of sorts on this subject, with both this book, and his Netflix show Master of None revolving tackling the same theme. I went “off the market” just before the proliferation of smart phone dating apps, but as someone whose first encountered his spouse through Twitter, I can definitely relate to some of the observations Ansari makes.

    I haven’t read this book yet, but I frequently chuckle at his astute observations and ability to illustrate the awkwardness in some of the scenes of Master of None. Sounds like the book would be a good read, too!

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      I’ve seen a couple episodes of Master of None, good stuff! You are lucky to have found someone 🙂 hope to do the same in the near future…

      Thanks for the comment.

  2. Hi Erik,
    I met my girlfriend through work, which isn’t terribly surprising since I didn’t really socialize outside of work. Can’t really comment on dating in the digital age but I’m the last person you’d want social advice from 🙂
    Best wishes,
    -DL

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